A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
