the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
