You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
