Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
