I wannas sexs uuuuu
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
