I puked a lego.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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