This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
