I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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