doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
