I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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