my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
