After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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