Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
