Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
