see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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