I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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