I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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