Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
