I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
