I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
