Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
