I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
