Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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