If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
