oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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