I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
