The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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