My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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