Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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