Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
we should paint friendship bongs
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