She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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