On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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