it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
