No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
