I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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