he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
