i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
