I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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