Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fuck your aforementioned shoe
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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