we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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