I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
