Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
