apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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