help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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