You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
