Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
