Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
