we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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