he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
