Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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