I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
