he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
