I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
